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Funny Weight Loss Tips & Quotes

 

Lose weight while you enjoy some of my favorites with this collection of humorous food / dieting tips & quotes. - Larry Wentz  - Twitter.com/LarryWentz

 

 

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Wanna do a single "retweet" (RT) of a tip/quote? Please post a Twitter.com update like this (Thank You!) -

RT @LarryWentz Weight Loss Tip - "Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!" - Larry Wentz


 

 

Weight Loss Tip - "Laughing burns off calories so everyone needs a giggle ..... some more than others." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Don't Eat That!" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Eat your food while staring into a mirror..... totally naked!" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Carry Large Helium Balloons" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - " When eating donuts - only eat the center part." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Burn away calories by marinating chicken, beef or pork in brandy & cook with flamethrower" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Keep a pit bull in the kitchen" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Use Parental Block for the Food Network on your TV - Eat PIN Number/Password." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Eat your food with one chopstick" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters."

Weight Loss Tip - "Don't eat your evening meal before breakfast" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Ladies - Drop 5 lbs. Instantly! Let go of your purse." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Instead of carrying your laptop around - start carrying your desktop PC." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Attach Full-Length Mirror to your Refrigerator Door." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Hang your bikini on the refrigerator.... definitely don't do that if you are a guy." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Remove wheels from your grocery cart." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "When weighing yourself on the scale - try to defy gravity." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Do 600 Tweets per hour. Move over 6 pack abs ....6 pack fingers is the new rage" - Larry Wentz (Note - Only Twitterers may get that one - Twitter.com/LarryWentz )

Twitter Weight Loss Tip - "Unfollow some calories." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Use Superglue As Lip Gloss" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Only eat food that you can catch & kill with a toothpick" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Don't burn off fat with a candle .... a blow torch will work quicker." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Like the silent tree falling in the forest ... food actually has no calories if no one sees you eating it" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Cut back on your food intake if you weigh more than your refrigerator." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Just Say McNo." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "50 Lb. Cellphones" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Weapons of Mass Reduction"

Weight Loss Tip - "If you can't pronounce the ingredients .... you probably shouldn't eat it." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Swap dinner dishes with your pet - Kibbles n' Bits & Little Friskies make great appetite suppressants." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Eat anything you want - just make sure you don't swallow."

Weight Loss Tip - "Eat that prime rib roast with a straw" - Larry Wentz

North Dakota - Minnesota Weight Loss Tip - "Shovel more snow than food." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Calor means heat & calories are units of heat... so eat ice cream because there is no heat in that!"

Weight Loss Tip - "Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy

Weight Loss Tip - "Set a goal to lose as much weight as your stock portfolio has done in the last year." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise." - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.... unless it is a moving refrigerated truck." - Larry Wentz

Biz Tip - Read the book "Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive", Weight Loss Tip- "Swim Away From Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive" - Larry Wentz

Weight Loss Tip - "Blame George W. Bush for your weight gain - he gets blamed for everything else so..." - Larry Wentz

 

"You know you're overweight when your computer tells you that your @ is too big." - Larry Wentz

"If you work at home.... walking to work should not be considered as daily exercise." - Larry Wentz

"Exercise or Exorcism - both are designed to beat the hell out of you!" - Larry Wentz

"Desserter - someone who abandons their diet"

"Is there really anything "lite" about cellulite?"

Thanks for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a 1/2 lb. right now, press 1 18,000 times. Randy Glasbergen

"If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?" - Unknown

"I bought a talking refrigerator that said "Oink" every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops" -Marie Mott

"I am not overweight. I am chocolate-enriched." - Unknown

"If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise." - Unknown

"The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor." - Unknown

"Practice safe eating — always use condiments." - Unknown

"Chocolate. . . It isn't just for breakfast anymore." - Unknown

"Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight." - Jason Love

"Dieters live life in the fasting lane.' - Unknown

“A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible” - Unknown

“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.” - Erma Bombeck

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster! - Joe Lewis

"A diet is a weigh of life." - Unknown

"Life is full of ups and pounds." - Unknown

"Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it." - Unknown

"The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat." - Unknown

"I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short." - Shelley Winters

"I keep trying to lose weight - but it keeps finding me!" - Unknown

"Self delusion is pulling in your stomach when you step on the scales." - Paul Sweeney

"If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams." - Jason Love

"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook." - Julia Child

"Food is like sex - when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good" -Beth McCollister

"I think I just ate my willpower." - Unknown

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books -how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. Andy Rooney

"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!" - Unknown

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." - AW Brown

"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson

"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends." -Unknown

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." - Orson Welles

"Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends." - Unknown

"You know you're fat when you iron your pants in the driveway."

"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit." - Unknown

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." - Irv Kupcinet

“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” - Erma Bombeck

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks." - Totie Fields

"Dieting is wishful shrinking." - Unknown

 

 

 

 

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